The fact that you thought you knew me, the fact you think that you had me all figured out... is how I knew that you have no idea who I was. Because if you knew me, if you really understood me.. you wouldn't have ever left under an circumstances. Unlike most people, I actually do truly care, unlike most, I'm fucken honest. I can't even comprehend you're reason of being. Why in the world would you use revenge on me by getting head by random chicks? Does that make you a better person? Does that make me want you back? Does that make me respect you more? Does that make me feel sorry? Does that make me jealous? Does that make me feel sick and hurt? Well, let me just answer those. 

You would use that revenge because you don't care about me anymore. That does not make you a better person that actually makes you a pretty shitty person to do that to someone who loves you. That does not make me want you back that makes me want to push you behind me and never look back. I lost all my respect for you. It makes me feel sorry for you, because you need other people to make you happy. And more than ever.

You have no idea how many times I've cried because of your pathetic face. You're the biggest coward I have ever met, I thought I taught you well guess not that well. Your're next girl is going to be pretty lucky considering I taught you how to be a pretty amazing kisser, your fucking welcome. 

I just can't seem to get you out of my fucking head, cause my heart just wants you so much. I don't want to feel this anymore. I just don't. Please geet out of my mind. I just want my smile back, and my pride. On the plus side thank you, You made me feel confident about myself. And apparentally I made you a cocky jerk :) just absolutely wonderful we always need more of those.. jk. 

Honestly, what the honest fuck. 

I'm fucking tired of all this shit. You know what the whole fucken world isn't about you. You think you have problems? So does the whole flippen world. Your problems aren't even big. my issues that I had that you didn't believe i even have are way worst than your problems would ever be. So for once I'm not going to give a fuck cause know what tomorrow if you don't talk to me, I'm for sure not talking to you. You have to get your act together cause this is life sweet, and it's not always going to be a walk in the park.

    Honestly  I can't take it anymore. The way my mom looks at me with disappointment kills me inside. She honestly looks at me lyke I'm a piece of shit. I'm ready to explode. I wouldn't be able to handle that if everyone looked at me lyke that no way. And Danielle omg Danielle, lately she's just been peeving me off lyke honestly okkaie i get it you and Ben didnt work out okkaie he led you on. He was drunk he didn't know what he was doing  neither did you. Its not completely his fault, it happens everyone makes mistakes, its not the end of the world. Another thing that bothers me is that you get pissed at me soo easily lyke what did i do. For example, today i come to your house and than after the walk you don't even talk to me lyke okkai. whatever. and you don't even text me back. k. I'm just so confused about everything honestly. I have no idea why jordan is still mad at me. It's actually really dumb if she still is. I can't believe also Jacob doesn't give one falling fuck if we don't talk anymore. It's so frusrating that he doesnt care. I do and the fact that he doesnt care annoys me whenever I see him making me not wanna talk to him and push him away even more. UGHH whatever. Anyways, I'm soo happy me and Cameron are starting to talk again, cause he makes an amazing friend :) and honestly i missed him. Omgosh so i met this really cute guy named matt and he gave me his number. He's such a sweet guy, although i really should stop leading him on cause i have a boyfriend. He's about 2 years older than me its not like it'll work anyways. I'll let it last the weekend than I'll stop :$. He's lyke Cam all over again and I don't want that happening again cause I'll feel really bad. I'm surprised guys are interested in me :$, i mean i'm not that pretty. Danielle says he must be desparate. In my opinion, it hurt that she said that because what a hot guy can't lyke me ? Unless they are desparate lyke okaie whatever, thanks, "best friend".

    I don't know these days its soo hard to trust people.i personally rarely trust people because they are so judgemental and that makes me really upset. The las thing i need right now is people lyke that in my life. That's why I decided not to tell danielle about me and James because of her reaction of other things I've told her. It's not that i don't trust her, i do ALOT. It's the fact that she'll never look at me the same again. I can't just do that. I'll tell her eventually it's hard to keep it a secret from her now but its for the best and i know that. There's just certain people you can tell certain things to and others you can't.      

My life is just a big fuck show. Everything and I mean absolutely everything just constantly fucks up in the end. People are bipolar feelings go away friends leave parents hate you more and more. Honestly I just want out. That's all I want is out. I'm tired of it all of it. I can't stand my life. It's unliveable. How can one deal with so much stress at one time it's utterly impossible. I can not even stress enough how lonely I constantly feel and how much I feel as though I don't have any friends. And it's sad thing to think but I want to just end it .. All of it .. I just don't feel like doing anything. All I'm holding back against is the rumours or the feelings people will have. Or the fake people who would say oh she was such a nice girl. She shouldn't have died. Well fucking prove to me fucking prove to me that I mean something to you. Don't brush me aside don't say you talked to me when only I made the effort and certainly don't say you loved me when you felt nothing all along. Fuck people I'm done.

I just realized how much of an asshole I am ... Aidan was there for me.. through so much ... and after all that he got friendzoned .. Wow I'm such an ass. I guess it's not my fault tho.. I can't just force myself to like someone... but still poor Aidan I hope he finds a good girl. Nick is probably the best boyfriend ever. I've never felt this loved in a long time.. actually no I don't think I've ever felt this loved ever. He's truly the best. Handsdown. I really hope we last.. awhile causeI don't think I can go though another heartbreak again... or lose someone close to me again not lyke that. I can't stand losing people... it's my biggest pet peeve and weakness. If I lose him it's going to hurt.. alot... not as much as James obviously but it will hurt alot .. I am going quite attached to him and I'm entirely sure heart quite fond of me as well. He makes Mr incredibly happy. Words can't even describe how happy. He's just wonderful . Absolutely wonderful.